The demise of the programme

Olly Wicken desperately wants to convince himself that it is a good thing

The demise of Watford’s matchday programme is a good thing.

(I keep telling myself this. Soon I’m going to believe it.)

My life will improve immeasurably in its absence.

Never again will my treasured pre-match moment of smelling fried onions outside ‘Only Foods And Sauces’ be disturbed by someone shouting ‘Pwogramme!’

Never again, during the game, when the opposition’s useless number ten keeps kicking the ball straight up in the air, will I be tempted to look away from the action to consult a piece of paper that tells me his name (and possibly his height, weight, birthplace, car, and favourite meal).

Never again, when I get home after the game, will I put a £4 magazine straight into an old cardboard storage box under my bed, unread.

These are all positive developments. 

They must be. I have to believe it. I cling to enough tradition already.

And there are other benefits.

Old programmes are time toilets. I throw hours of my day down the pan by browsing the square programmes from the 1980s, or admiring the graphics from 1976. In twenty years’ time, I’ll have 400 fewer in my collection than I would have done. 400 fewer calling to me when I should be mowing the lawn or doing last night’s washing-up. This is a good thing. 

And think of the space I won’t use up in my loft. There’ll be more room for my 150 match-worn shirts and my rapidly expanding collection of Watford Treasury books. Yes. That’s the way to think about it. I’ll be ‘decluttering’. (Relatively. Compared to what would have happened.)

So I’m right. The demise of Watford’s matchday programme is definitely a good thing. Definitely. In fact, I’m sure I’ll come up with a few more reasons when I’ve finished drying out the tear-stained pages of this one in front of me that turned out to be the last Watford programme ever. 

Sheffield Wednesday at home — May 3rd 2025. I need to get it back into pristine condition. Not for its collector value, but as a keepsake of a momentous day for my personal growth.