Roger Joslyn's Time Machine: The Man Bun
In a mysterious occurrence, far too complicated to explain to anyone lacking a degree in quantum physics, Watford’s tenacious midfield lion, Roger Joslyn, has been transported from 1978 to today’s first-team squad. Caught in a maelstrom of conflicting ideologies, Jaws is forced to adapt to modern life. Colin Payne finds out more...
Following another particularly gruelling training session, in which Roger sends Yáser Asprilla flying over the hedge into the neighbouring Arsenal facility for being a ‘cocky little bastard’, Francisco Sierralta, keen to integrate the time-travelling hard-tackling midfield dynamo, suggests Roger accompany him for a haircut at the exclusive Tony Diamanti salon in London’s fashionable Knightsbridge, then move on together to shop for colognes and fragrances, before engaging in an evening meal at one of the area’s more distinguished eateries.
After a traumatic journey in which Roger struggles to get his head around using a telephone to pay to go on the tube, they finally arrive at the luxury crimpers’...
Francisco: “So Roger, Tony will style your hair exactly like mine. We will be brothers, Viking brothers. He will shave the sides to perfection, for this he uses a 1.25 grade, which he can fade into your neck. He will nourish your hair with the finest argon oil conditioner for exactly the optimum time, one hour and 22 minutes, before sculpting it into a magnificent knot upon your head.
Francisco: “He’ll cut your hair the same as mine, and give you an epic man bun!”
Roger: “Man bun?”
Francisco: “Yes, just like mine!”
Roger: “No thanks. Just get him to cut it halfway up the ears, and leave the back well alone. Let’s get this done, pick up that Brut and Old Spice, then head to a Berni Inn. I’m starving.”