Roger Joslyn's Time Machine: The Bra
In a mysterious occurrence, far too complicated to explain to anyone lacking a degree in quantum physics, Watford’s tenacious midfield lion, Roger Joslyn, has been transported from 1978 to today’s first-team squad. Caught in a maelstrom of conflicting ideologies, Jaws is forced to adapt to modern life. Colin Payne finds out more...
Following another particularly gruelling training session, Roger has fallen out with Cristiano Giaretta after the Italian head of recruitment confiscated a steak and kidney pie, chips and mushy peas that our time-travelling, battling, ball-winning battering ram had smuggled into London Colney after not fancying a quinoa salad.
Food is one of the transitions that he is finding hardest about his jaunt 44 years into the future, well, that and the fact you can’t buy a Ford Capri anywhere.
Clearly Roger is not in the best of moods when an eager João Pedro approaches him...
João: “Olá Roger, Sr. Giaretta pediu-me para lhe dar este equipamento de treino, é para monitorizar a sua forma física e as taxas durante o treino. Todos nós usamos um.” (Which, roughly translated, meant that: Mr Giaretta had asked João to give Roger one of those monitoring vests the players wear under their shirts – luckily as part of the miracle of time-travel Roger is fluent in 27 languages, including Portuguese!)
Roger: “What? I’m the club cross-country champion for four years running, I can do three circuits of Cassiobury Park, 100 press-ups, and still play 90 minutes.”
João: “Mas você tem que.” (But you have to.)
Roger: “Look, it looks like a bloody bra! I ain’t wearing a bra for no one! Unless of course they come in white cotton to match my Y-fronts. Now where did that bloke put my steak and kidney pie?”