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Roger Joslyn's Time Machine: Manscaping

In a mysterious occurrence, far too complicated to explain to anyone lacking a degree in quantum physics, Watford’s tenacious midfield lion, Roger Joslyn, has been transported from 1978 to today’s first-team squad. Caught in a maelstrom of conflicting ideologies, Jaws is forced to adapt to modern life. Colin Payne finds out more...


Following a particularly gruelling training session, in which Roger went nose-to-nose with the Forest-bound Emmanuel Dennis after an unfortunate nutmeg incident, the Watford players are each presented with a brown cardboard box.

Roger: “Hey Gaffer, what’s this?”

Rob Edwards: “It’s from our latest sponsor, it’s your male grooming kit.”

Roger: “What’s it for?”

Rob: “It’s for manscaping.”

Roger: “What’s that?”

Rob: “You know, manscaping, let me show you with this kiwi fruit.”

Roger: “What’s a kiwi fruit?”

Rob: “Never mind the kiwi fruit. It’s for grooming below the belt.”

Roger: “What do you mean?”

Rob: “Polishing the crown jewels.”

Roger: “What?”

Rob: “Shaving the coconuts.”

Roger: “Coconuts?”

Rob: “OK, it’s to remove your pubic hair, to present a hygienic and clean look that will conform with modern social norms, whilst leaving you itchy and scratchy if you don’t keep on top of it. Now, is that clearer?”

Roger: “Yeah. No thanks, but can I taste the kiwi fruit?”